A Dingo's got my Barbie!!!

Oh you!

There's a couple of things you need to know about Buddy (or not), a) he's butt ugly, b) he's butt obsessed. That is until recently. Don't get me wrong, he's still butt ugly (although if you like pugs he's not so bad), but lately he's not as overwhelmingly butt obsessed has he has been for the past six years or so.

For ages now, Buddy has had a substance abuse problem, he has had an insatiable appetite for crack,  butt crack that is, and Bentley has always been his main supplier. But(one 't') recently, Buddy Buttlicker has expanded his horizons, no longer does he fancy a faecal feast, salivate over a shit sandwich, crave a crunchy crap cake, tend towards a turd taco or beg for a butt burger. No sir! things have changed recently, no longer does he relish the rectum, adore the anus or sup on the sphincter.

You see, Buddy has recently discovered the vagina, and apparently he finds it much more to his liking. As a consequence he's abandoned the anus, rejected the rectum and sacked the sphincter in favour of Belle's equipment. You could almost say that he's fond of puppy pussy.

It also turns out that Belle, like Bentley, is somewhat of an enabler. She will often just walk up and straddle Buddy placing her clam right in front of his face. I took this picture this morning to illustrate...

Those lines in the picture are vertical blinds if you're wondering.

So there you have it. In a nutshell, Buddy has replaced the poop chute with the pup chute, which basically means he's swapped 'o' for 'u'. So now what I want you all to do, is go back to the post title and give a collective "Ah ha! That WT is such a clever fellow!!"   (if you don't understand, just ask in the comments; someone will explain it to you)

Oh just one more thing in case you don't already know...all my pets have been de-sexed, including the cats, that's responsible pet ownership.

Another nomination.

OK, so here's the deal, I was just going to let this slide and not make a big deal about it;  a) because I don't really care if I win or not, and b) as it's not a scam to generate traffic,  I didn't feel that a rant was warranted. So I therefore didn't write anything about it at the time.

The fact is, I've been nominated for another award over at Kailani's, some of you may have seen the comment telling me as much a few days ago. But seeing as everyone else is going crazy pimping their blogs and asking people to vote for them, I've decided to let you know about it, and give you the opportunity to vote for me if you feel like it.

The catalyst for writing this now, occurred when I was reading bogs this morning I found that Robin was surprised that I was nominated for "the Brainiest" blog (ok, I was surprised too, but I'm allowed to say it). Hey Robin, maybe I was nominated for the brainiest  because I just used warranted, therefore, garner and catalyst in the same post. (I couldn't find anywhere to use diatribe, although it may have been more appropriate than rant).

So here ya go, if you feel like giving the old WT a vote (and it's really easy) hop on over to The Island Life and vote for me, or not, it's up to you.

PS. I have no idea who nominated me, but I suspect it was a joke.

WTF??

Commenting on current affairs and politics is something that I do rarely (if ever), but this morning's news so stunned me that I couldn't help myself. Please don't take this a political statement or that I in any way support drug use but...

George Bush today used his powers to overrule the American judicial system and granted Scooter Libby a partial pardon. Bush commuted the 30 month jail sentence that was handed down to Libby for being convicted on four counts including obstruction and perjury, saying that he thought it was a bit harsh.

The thing that amazes me, is not that Dubya is ok with putting a CIA agent's life at risk for political gain, or committing perjury to cover it up, or even that he sees a 30 month custodial sentence as being a bit harsh, no, what really amazes me is that he believes that  these sentences and these sentences are appropriate! The first lot are women, the second are men, all are prisoners of the War on Drugs.

I finally understand the saying "A fish rots from the head"

Yadda yadda, a meme, yeah sure.

The luverly Stephanie over at Mama Drama tagged me for this meme some time ago and I just ignored it hoping it would go away. But being the persistent Mama that she is, she's been hounding me like a banshee for a couple of weeks now (ok, she sent me an email, same thing), so I guess I'll do it to get her off my back.

Here are the rules:

-Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
Ok, so far so good, just write eight random things about ourselves (or in this case, myselves)

-People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
Ah, now I get it...write on my own blog, phew! I was having a bit of trouble finding someone to let me use their blog so I could write eight random facts/habits about myselves. Oh, and I must remember to post these stupid fucking rules, Ok guys don't let me forget!

-At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
Eureka! It all makes sense now, tag eight people at the end of my blog. But I still think at the end of my post would be a more appropriate place to do it. And besides, which end of my blog do I use, the front end or the back end?  And which end is which? I don't get many people reading the June '06 posts these days (now would that be the front end or back end of my blog?), and this current end changes every time I write a post, so I'm fucked either way. As for listing their names, is that the same thing as tagging them, again I'm confused.

-Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.
Leave them a comment, yes that' s only polite, after all I have involved them in this moronic exercise in stupidity. But then what better way to increase my traffic than to order people to read my blog. I've often wondered about the sense in tagging someone that doesn't read my blog, after all how would they even know they've been tagged? But now this little gem solves that conundrum, write something on their blog to tell them! (simple eh?) What it doesn't answer is why would I even tag someone who doesn't read me anyway, after all, I'm no Mindy!

Let us begin.

1. Nah, I don't think so. People who write moronic rules for even more moronic memes should be ignored, so that' what I'm going to do.

2. I can be a little testy at times. Sorry, that's not a random fact, it's a well known one.

3. This space intentionally left blank.

4. See response No. 3.

5. See response No. 4.

6. You get the idea, need I continue in this vein?

7. In case you've forgot already, see response No. 1.

8. And finally, see response No. 2.

Now to tag someone...Are you kidding me?!?! (that's a double interobang just to show how affronted I really am) Did you even read this post? Of course I'm not tagging anyone!! (that's just a plain old double exclamation point, I seem to have calmed down a little).

NB. (that's Latin for 'pay attention you morons') Stephanie knows this venom is not directed at her. I just read a rather interesting post by Jenny about this very thing.

Just one last thing before you go. I think that it's in your best interests to click on this link.

English and slang can be confusing

Syntax, semantics, pedantics, English, jargon, slang, call it what you will, but it's all fraught with danger. Take yesterday for example, my neighbour rang me just as I was at the final stages of downloading a very large update, and in a reflex action I picked up the phone. That caused the connection to be lost. In this situation since I was a bit a annoyed. You could say... "I've got a beef with my neighbour".

However that's not right, what it should read is..."I've got some beef from my neighbour"...

There's about 35lbs of all sorts of beef including T-bones, fillets, roasts, sausages, ground beef and rib eye fillets. Ther were even a bunch of dog bones. It's nice living wedged between beef cattle stations.

PS. I've got the camera working so looks like I can join in for Fun Monday.

Speaking of.....

This morning Jenny posted a sentence and a link and so far has around 80 comments, so I figure that according to the Law of Averages, if I do a well thought out and well written post about the same thing, with at least ten links, I should get somewhere in the order of 8 comments. So here goes. (I'll be substituting symbols a bit to cut down on the weirdos, by the way, if you found this through a search for porn, go away you pervert)

Now I've always had a fondness for the old vag1na and it therefore gives me great pleasure.... anyway, being an unsophisticated guy, and one who got all his sex education from the old tradesmen on construction sites (I was taught that foreplay, was just being polite, and involved tapping your wife on the shoulder and asking if she was awake, but that it wasn't really necessary), I have to admit that I've always thought of va-jay-jays as a place of mystery, a warm and comforting place where all of us come out of, and half of us spend the rest of our lives trying to get back into.

When I read Jenny's post I was reminded of an American artist who had an exhibition here a couple of years ago that was completely made up of life sized coochies that she made from molds of her friends' equipment. Now that's what I call Art!! But despite my best efforts, I couldn't find her (if you know who I'm talking about please let us all know via the comments), what I did find though, was a plethora of p#ssy, a cornucopia of c*nt, volumes of vag1nas and tons of tw@ts (I could go on, but I'm sure I'm the only one amused by my inventive collective terms).

So for your education and pleasure, here are some of the things I found while searching (no way am I putting in any of the medical stuff I unfortunately found, gross!):

• Starting off with possibly the single most impressive site I found, this is a genuine one stop shop for snatch, a veritable Wiki of wooki. It's called All About My Vagina and it most definitely is. Of all the links I found, this one is actually worthwhile.
• Next, to lighten things up a bit, you can't go past Pussy Puppets.
• Here's something that I only learned through my search (I must state categorically that this was a proper search, not a browse through porn sites, so there is some educational stuff here), who knows about the Yoni ?
• Do you like your treats while you read about your privates? Then try some of these.
• And if you need a nice place to relax while you're reading, this Rocking Vulva might be for you. (although in truth, I don't know if it really is furniture or just kinetic sculpture)
• This is just too strange, even for me.
• And I've got no idea what this is all about!
• Another reference site for all things genital, including art, literature, and live shows (again not porn)
• And finally, an article about C*ntfest (I kid you not, and it was put on by women), which seems to be trying to break the record for the most times the word can be used in a single post.

So what do you think, wasn't that interesting? (anyone who says they preferred it when I wasn't posting will be banned from future posts!) Who would have thought there would be so many sites devoted to this subject that don't even need a credit card in order for you to enter!