A Dingo's got my Barbie!!!

A secret revealed

I'm pretty sure that a number of you are readers of either Mama Drama, the Bloggess, or both.  If you are you would know by now, that after convincing her friend Stephanie (the lyrical blogger) to join Mama Drama, Jenny jumped ship and left her holding the diaper.

In their new blog called Good Mom/Bad Mom (my spellcheck has just underlined mom because we say mum over here), Jenny has been joined by Mindy, possibly the nastiest piece of work in the blogiverse (she acts mean and tells people it's all an act, just like me, but just like me she is lying).  I'm suspecting that these two gals who rail at the term 'mommy blogger' yet manage to get a reference to motherhood in all of their blog titles (yes, Bloggess is so a reference to motherhood, look it up) have been offered some form of financial reward judging by the really flashy new look and the professional photos. Or maybe they just did it for the photos.

Anyway, this is not a post about a flashy new mommy blog by two women who I'm really glad aren't my mom (personally, I think it should have been called Bad Mom / Worse Mom), this is a post about Min's rabbit phobia.  Yes that's right Min is deathly afraid of rabbits, which is kinda funny seeing as she has a whole collection of ex-boyfriends' testicles hanging from her ceiling (you need to be pretty tough to carry that out).

But a phobia she has, and I know why....

I found this photo while I was going through her underwear draw the other day (long story).

PS. Thanks to some sage advice from Mark, I have decided to be a man about my blogital problems, I will therefore simply ignore the whole thing and refuse to talk about it until the situation is irreparable. At which time I'll get my just deserts when I just desert.

Celebrity Look alikes

He reminds me of me.

What a let down!

Okay, here's where everyone does a collective "WTF?! We've been gypped!"

There are several reasons I left so abruptly, none of which are exciting in any way, shape or form (which in itself is one of the reasons I did a Bilbo Baggins). The simple truth is that I just ran out of steam; no manic depression, no alien abduction, no hot and sweaty sex with a silicon implanted, bottle blonde nymphomaniac with a fetish for old cranky Aussie guys, it was just a lack of motivation to write posts and leave comments. Now don't you think the scenario you came up with is much more interesting?

The Christmas blogging break was actually much more enjoyable than I had anticipated, not having to spend time reading everyone's posts was a lot more relaxing than I could have imagined. During the break, a thought popped into my head... "Hey, why not just quit?" and when I though about it, I had no compelling argument not to. Granted, I have lots of blog buddies out there, and I certainly appreciate all the kind (and not so kind) words, but in the end, it's the three dimensional world that you have to live in.

None of this was done as a ploy to attract comments (while the comment count for the New Year post looks high, if I had posted daily since then, there would have been a higher aggregate total anyway), and it wasn't done with any planning, as my TypePad account is paid until next November. I just had nothing to say, and I didn't want to write a post saying I was quitting, because that alway looks like you're trying to get people to ask you to stay.

I could have said that I would blog occasionally, but I don't do moderation very good. So in the end I just jumped ship. However, who knows what will happen in the future, so just to be on the safe side, maybe you should wait a while before you unsubscribe the Dingo's feed (the reason I say this is that I bought a new toy the other day, so I will be doing some graphic stuff, and if they are funny enough I'll post them).

So for everyone who was concerned for me, don't be. If you really want to know why we're breaking up, "It's not me, it's you."

Gratuitous Pet pics Pt 276

I've got a heap of pics and a few videos (that I'm trying to figure out how to upload) so here's a couple to whet you appetites.

This photo looks static, but Belle is actually dragging Beau across the floor.

\
Belle doesn't always look like Eyore when she's eating.

A change of temperatures.

As you can tell by the picture, it's getting cold around here...

Which is in stark contrast to the extreme heat I reckon Jerry Falwell should be feeling right about now (if you believe in that sort of thing).

Oh, before I forget, I got the pictures back from Marnie's 30th Birthday Party...

Here's the Birthday Girl herself the morning after the party. Yes that Marnie, you can tell by the empty Molson's bottle.

What is this?

I was going to write a uplifting and inspiring post, but then I thought "Nah, fuck it."

So instead I'm going to have a little game of "what's that photo?" So put you thinking caps on and give it your best shot in the comments. There are no prizes, just the thrill of being clever.

I'll post the answer first thing tomorrow (that would be about 10:00am Zulu). Hey Melissa, for some reason I can't get your blog to load.

Update** This whole thing is obviously pretty lame, so here's another one, what is this?...

A special request from Jenny.

Further to my rant... Firstly let thank you all for your kind words of encouragement (I mean it), but I must say that I'm disappointed with you all. You guys read this blog, and yet you still don't realise how shallow I am, I want a shiny award! Waaahhhh! I don't do this for me, I already know all this shit, what do I want to read it for? I do for it recognition and adoration, and the possibility of one day getting a shiny award or maybe a gift certificate. Or even better, someone coming up to me in a restaurant (if we had a restaurant around here) and asking "Say, aren't you that guy who won an award for blogging that time?" Ok, so now I'll let it go and move on with my life, but I may never blog again, that remains to be seen. Yeah sure.

Back to my regular blogging...

Jenny asked for two things yesterday: A harder quote and more pug pictures. I'm always happy to oblige when I can, so Jenny just for you (but anyone can read the post, even if you aren't Jenny).

First off the quote: "What are you doing?"   "Adjusting your breasts, you fainted and they shifted all out of whack."

Now for the pics: (Caution, potential cute overload, look at you own risk)

I know some of them have been posted before, but they are just so darned cute.

Avast, me panties!

I guess it's pretty clear by now that I'm not one to be trifled with. Having a mind like a steel trap, a tongue as sharp as a skinning knife, the courage of a lion and the cunning of a fox  makes me a formidable dude. And not being able to tell whether I'm a camping goods store or a pet store makes me somewhat schizoid.

As you would know by now, I'm a force of nature, with a sunny disposition and problem with wind, so it's obvious that I'm not a fair weather friend, in fact I'm as loyal as a Beagle (that's three pet shop, two camping goods and a weather report if you're keeping score).

It's evident that I'm a serious writer who brooks no insult and tolerates no babbling, I'm rock, an island, a port in a storm (shit! now we're adding geography and more weather reports).

So what I'm saying is, don't mess with me! (You know, I can't help thinking this would be much more believable  without the picture).

PS. I'm not sure, but I think that they are incontinence panties. If you really want an experience, do a search for "big girl's panties", (if you're feint of heart make sure you have safe search turned on).

I'm not a plaigerist, I'm just lazy.

Now you all know I'm not one to exploit the effort of others for my own gain, and I'm especially not the type who would produce a post based solely on the comments of my blog-buddies (who by the way are among the smartest and wittiest in the blogoshpere, there that should make them happy).

You also know that I am definitely not one to make a joke at the expense of others. So you know that my including these two comments here is simply because they make a point much more eloquently that I could (well, one of them does anyway, it's always hard to give the impression of profundity when you quote Jenny).

Once in a very rare while, a comment will be left that is so profound (you should know what that means if you looked up profundity), so insightful and well, so true, that I just have to share it with you. This pearl of wisdom comes from Wolfbaby: "That is just way to funny, I shouldn't wait so long between visit's (sic) I should be knocked over the head for that;)" I would like you to ponder that for a minute, as it just about says it all (unfortunately I haven't seen her since she left it).

This next one from Jenny is a good example of how a witty comment can turn around and bite you on the arse, and I ought to know! Initially is seems innocuous enough, but there is a sting in the tail (although I'm not sure how a tail stinger can actually bite you. for those keeping score, that one goes in the 'mixed metaphor' column). Jenny said: "And by barbie I mean Australian BBQ, not your Barbie Doll. But really, isn't it about time you give up that as well?"

Ha! The joke's on you Jenny! In your attempt to ridicule me you were obviously unaware that I actually do have a Barbie, so your sarcasm is misguided (and is it really sarcasm if it's true?).

To answer your question: no, it isn't time to give her up.

How do geeks amuse themselves

What does a computer geek with a slow dial-up do while he's waiting for a program to download (the program I was trying out in the previous post).

Well, first off he takes a picture of the download...

I bought this desk in a flat pack! It took me hours to put it together.

But when that doesn't seem to speed things up, let's look around for diversions...

Before you laugh at me, I didn't buy any of these, ET sent me three of them and MDW brought back one last time she went home.

But if that doesn't help, maybe some closeup photography...

I bought two of those shot glasses(one for me and one for ET) at the Henry Ford museum in Michigan. The photo doesn't show it but there's a '65 Mustang on it. We have gotten very drunk talking to each other on the phone while belting down shots of whiskey.

Still not downloaded? maybe another shot...

I've had that Porsche phone for twenty years(well before cellphones were popular), I used to tell people I was talking to them on the car phone, hahaha!

You mean it's not Reality TV?

I used to be an avid West Wing fan, but it got a bit tiring after a while so I stopped watching. Recently I had some random thoughts that I found amusing and decided to share them in this post.

I was a bit worried about the 'Dixie Chicks' syndrome and thought about putting in a disclaimer/warning. Initially I just warned Melissa not to read because I know she's a big West Wing fan and also a political observer. But judging from the comments so far I missed the mark, and rather than deleting the post I'm updating with a new warning...

If you have never watched The West Wing, have no idea about American Politics, get offended easily or do not understand irony, satire or sarcasm do not read this post. If you fit into the aforementioned categories and you read this post, remember you were warned, so keep your complaints to yourself. For everyone else, have fun.

I thought I had worked out why America was having so much trouble with the image it portrays to the world. That is until someone explained to me that 'the West Wing' is actually a work of TV fiction and not a documentary. Hey, before you laugh at me, let me remind you that when Jimmy Smits was elected, George Dubya was the first to call and congratulate him, and to set up an appointment to discuss the smooth transfer of office.

Once I understood that it was just a TV show, I realised how dumb I was, I mean Jed Bartlett had an illness he couldn't pronounce, the best he could manage was ‘multipoo schrowrowsis’. Can you imagine America having a real life president with an annunciation problem? It’s nuclear (sorry, typo) unclear to me why they picked an illness Martin Sheen couldn’t pronounce. And then there’s the whole deal with Nancy being the National Security Chief, how ridiculous is that? A black woman in that position, ha! The only way it would have been more implausible is if they made her Secretary of State.

But the White House staff is even more ridiculous. Leo McGarry is unable to complete a sentence without blurting out “Margaret!”. Josh Lyman can’t seem to remember where his office is, and spends his days roaming the corridors with a secretary who doesn’t have a grasp on reality. Toby Zeilger can't speak more than two sentences before he begins ranting at the top of his lungs. CJ Creig is a dour spinster (or is that divorcee? who cares) who just doesn’t get it.

What a dysfunctional bunch of medically afflicted morons! Let’s do a recap.

We've got:

• a President with a speech defect and the inability to comprehend clothing. That's a $900 Armani coat you're trying to put on, not a fucking sweater you dipstick!

• a Chief of Staff with Turetts Syndrome. Leo, wait until either you or your visitor is finished talking before you politely ask Margaret to do something for you, you arrogant prick;

• a Deputy Chief of Staff with Alzheimer’s and an Autistic Secretary. Either put wheels on your desk, or stay in your fucking office, and send Donna back to the sheltered workshop;

• a Communications Director with ADHD. Just shut-the-fuck up you, lowlife, brain dead, sheep duffer;

• a Press Secretary who is a joke but has no sense of humour. Don't you get it CJ? You're the joke;
  

• plus a First Lady who I just can’t picture with anything other than a pink team jacket and a cigarette. Hey Rizzo! put that cigarette out.

And can somebody tell writers to stop trying to lecture me on everything from school lunches to gun control as if I’m a 3rd grade student. If I want to learn about politics I'll sign up for a class. If I want to know about policy I'll read a newspaper or watch a documentary. If I want some mind numbing, zone-out time I'll watch your show. If you believe so strongly in this crap, get off your fat, creative hollywood arses and stand for Public Office you fucking wankers!

We're a bit behind over here, so this post has more relevence to us Antipodeans. In fact, the last episode I saw was the one where Big Bill Taft got stuck in the bathtub. The reason we're so far behind is not the usual one where we wait until the price goes down, in this case Australians refused to watch it so it got cancelled. Now it's shown on governement owned TV (coalition of the willing and all that).

I'm not really sure why no-one watched it, it couldn't have been the sickening condescension, the unbelievable arrogance or the breathtaking hubris exhibited in the show. I think it may have been that we were unwilling to suspend our belief systems long enough to accept that America would elect a midget.

Labels: TV shows

Time to own up. **Updated by request.

Recent events have highlighted the need for honesty and respect among bloggers, particularly those that become regular readers/commenters/friends. So in keeping with this newfound realisation, I guess it's time for me to come clean.

I'm not really a 50 year old Australian guy with thin hair and a beer belly who lives with his dogs. I am, in reality, a stunningly beautiful, 19 year old Swedish girl trying to improve my English skills by regular writing. And before you ask, yes I do have blond hair and extremely large,  freakishly firm breasts. And no, I don't have a boyfriend.

I need better grades in English to pursue my goal of becoming a nuclear fizzycist  physisits  physysyst ah fuck it! I wanna be a rocket scientist. I suppose I could just be a waitress, but that won't make enough money to feed my 16 brothers and sisters who were left orphaned after our parents were killed in an industrial ice cream accident at the Hagen Daas factory.

**Update
Now before you all get crazy and start abusing me, I would like to direct you to the comments for this post. I clearly stated that I had too much class to post this picture, but if anyone really wanted to see it I would. It took about 3 minutes before I got a response. I think they look pretty good(not) but you probably will say they look uncomfortable.....

I'm the tall one in the centre.

Labels: yeah sure.

Send all complaints to Julie, thank you.

Now this is a prime example of the need to use clear concise English. Julie's most recent post is of some photographs of the moon. She wanted to invite people to display their own photos. Now what she should have said was "I'd like to see your photos of the moon".

That would have produced this result...

Unfortunately she said "If you guys decide to share some moon shots let me know. I would love to see yours. I've shown you mine, now it's your turn."

Well shit! What choice did I have? ...

*Update: If you can't get through to Julie, complaints can also be directed to Jenny (because she first planted the idea a few days ago)

Labels: what the?