A Dingo's got my Barbie!!!

A brief history of Marnie Pt2

Here's the long awaited second instalment of Marnie's biography, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, and thanks again Caroline for filling in the blanks, without you none of this would have been possible (you don't need grand children, they will just end up costing you money for birthday presents).

Marnie took to her new life in Califadia like a duck to water, or rather, like a chook to poo (that may be why her imagination is so fertile). She quickly made friends, although at times her choice of buddies was somewhat questionable and she would occasionally fall in with the wrong crowd, but as she once told me "Muddy water finds it's own level" and while I'm not quite sure what she meant by that, she certainly did fit in well with this crowd, despite their reputation as being somewhat bookish...

Being the gregarious type that she is, this group of nerds wasn't going to hold Marnie's attention for long, and before you knew it, she was elected president of the Chook Staplers Computer Club (by the other two members). And while Marnie has always maintained that she was only ever interested in stapling chooks, I have it on good authority that she was totally in it for the spectacular crown she got to wear at the monthly meetings...

Then in the blink of an eye, her high school days were over, this turned out to be quite traumatic for miss popular, and while she hated to leave all the geeky good friends she made there, she reluctantly accepted that she must move on. And so with high spirits (possibly vodka), she went to the graduation ceremony with her father, who was the proudest super-villain there...

With such a photogenic face, it was only a matter of time before she was spotted by the talent agencies. Scores of TV and newspaper advertising people clamoured for her services, but being a young woman of principles, she waited for the right opportunity to come her way. And so it was that for her entire time in College, Marnie was the spokesperson for Tampax manpons, that 'oh so smooth' butt plug...

Sadly we'll have to leave it here as I think I can hear my mother calling me for dinner.

Marnie's skool daze.

Caroline (Marnie's lovely mother, and a person who doesn't deserve to have such a spiteful daughter), sent me some of Marnie's school memorabilia the other day. I thought I might share them with you.

First off let's look at her academic prowess...
Very Nice Marnie, you sure nailed that one.

Yes, she really did excel a Math.

It's a wonder she didn't take up Veterinary studies.

This was told to me by Caroline...
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!' ".
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?".
Marnie raised her hand and said, "I think he said: "Holy Shit!  A talking chicken!".

With all that potential, you'd think that she would have ended up in a well paying respected position, instead she chose this...

Stephanie's shady past

A lot of you know Stephanie from the Mamas with Dramas, and those of you who know her should know that she came relatively late to motherhood. What you may not know, is why she came so late. The reason is both simple and spiritual, motherhood was her second calling, this was her first...

I could make a habit out of this. Thank you Sister Agnes for supplying the outfit. You know, I thought I did a post about her once, but when I looked I couldn't find nun. Too bad, she was a really great person who always made people laugh, and a link would have been good.

Update** After a couple of you confirmed that I actually did post about Sister Agnes, I went back and looked harder. But if you don't want to go there, I've included the original Sister Agnes next to Sister Stephanie, they could be twins! (Sister Agnes is on the right)

Just in case Steph gets mad at me, I guess I should include a cute pet video too...

Hope that distracts her.

A brief history of Marnie Pt1.

It seems to me that many of you have misconceptions regarding my arch-nemesis friend Marnie, the main one being that she is a nice person. In an effort to set the record straight, I have spent some quality time on the phone with her mother recently and she has filled in the blanks, plus she gave me some invaluable family photos. I'm not sure if it will all fit in one post, we'll see.

One of the most common mistakes that people make, is that Marnie is a Canadian. While it's true that she holds both Canadian and Canafornian citizenship, both her and her twin sister are actually New Zealanders, or to be more precise, Maoris...

Sadly, her lack of ability with the Haka saw her expelled from the Whyusearubberglove Tribe. Yet strangely her sister was allowed to stay. Now Marnie, used to being half of a set of twins, went in search of someone to take her in. She couldn't believe her luck when she discovered that the Irwins were looking for a twin sister for Bindi...

But once again her poor social skills saw her sent to foster care. It was there that she finally met her present mother and was taken to Canada. Again, things didn't go well for Marnie. Despite both Marnie and her new Mom wanting fame and fortune together, their visions of the future were not in sync. In addition Marnie was having trouble to adjusting to life after the Irwins...

Despite her issues with her new mother, Marnie thrived in Canada, and before long forgot all about ever having had a twin (I guess it's easy to do if you're not a nice person). She made friends easily and excelled at school. She was able to combine her love of poultry with her love of staplers, and in just a few short years she won first prize at her school's Chook Stapling Contest, boy was she proud!...

We'll have to leave it there for now, I've got more pressing business to attend to.

It's too late to say sorry.

Marnie hurt me deeply by posting private pictures of me and Bubba on her blog. The way she made it look, she turned an innocent tick inspection into something that almost looks pornographic.

I must say I'm shocked and offended by her actions, in fact so much so that I'm tearing up the photos she sent me recently of some of her dates. But before I do, I'll just post them here for old times sake...

This is Butch. (before Kobe).

Marnie! Put that tongue away.

Here she is with Melissa.

Melissa seems interested don't you think?

And this is her big date with K-fed.

I knew he'd get into her pants one day.

And finally, at the beach.

I'm not certain, but think Marnie is on the left.

I surrender.

I admit it, I'm out classed and out matched. I could probably could have sustained my campaign for a few more days if I was only fighting Marnie. But I've recently discovered that Miss Snark herself has been pulling the levers behind the scenes. So there's just no way I can compete with that kind of onslaught...I give in...uncle...no mas.

You may think I'm making this up, but I'm not! A friend of mine who lives in Canafornia just sent me a poster they found at a comedy club recently, which proves without doubt that my suspicions are totally well-founded...

Now I know I could have got all crazy after Marnie's outrageous photoshopping of me and my boyfriends, but you guys know that's just not my style. Besides, why would I go to all the trouble of editing a photo to make her look silly when I could just use this one. And yes, those are rubber gloves she's wearing.

Hey Melissa, I think you need to get out in the sun and get some colour!

A change of temperatures.

As you can tell by the picture, it's getting cold around here...

Which is in stark contrast to the extreme heat I reckon Jerry Falwell should be feeling right about now (if you believe in that sort of thing).

Oh, before I forget, I got the pictures back from Marnie's 30th Birthday Party...

Here's the Birthday Girl herself the morning after the party. Yes that Marnie, you can tell by the empty Molson's bottle.