A Dingo's got my Barbie!!!

I got some more awards.

Before I start, I'd just like to explain something to those of you who may have come here yesterday or this morning (Oz time) for the first time through NaBloMe (although I doubt that you would be back here to read this now anyway). Normally the people who comment on my blog are very intelligent, very witty contributors. However, occasionally some of them go off their meds, as was the case yesterday when several of them ran amok and made it very hard for anyone not part of their little game to feel welcome. Rest assured, even if you aren't part of their little clique, you are more than welcome to leave a comment, and even more welcome if it has something to do with the post.

For those who are interested in talking about  Grey's Anatomy, or if you would simply like to take over someone's comments section to deter newcomers from commenting, you could try Hoe, Larry or Curly, they're always good for a laugh on the rare occasions that they actually post.

Now on to more important things: me. I've been somewhat remiss in not acknowledging some recent awards that have be given to me, so I will now make amends. These are in random order, and don't reflect either timing or importance as they are all equally important to me. As usual I have changed some of the colours to fit in with my colour scheme, but I swear that's all I changed.

This one was given to me twice, firstly by Rotten Correspondent then by ChrisB. Apart from the Butt Ugly Bodaciaous award that Laurie once gave me, this has to be the ugliest award in the history of blogging, but with the colour change it's not so bad.

Laurie gave me this one, I think to make of for the ugly one she gave me before. Rather peaceful don't you think?

This one was from Joy T, she first called me fabulous, then a jerk, so I think she may be a Split personali T. But it's not so bad one once you get rid of all the pink.

This next one came from Debs, and as I think this is the first one she's given me, she gets a Dingo II. I'm not sure who this Egel fellow is or why he figures they can deem a blog to be good or otherwise, but hey, it's an award, and we all know that we blog for either comments or awards, and my comments haven't been worth shit lately.

And last but not least, I got this from a paranoid schizo blogger who got so freaked out about something that I wrote once that she closed her blog and started another one under an alias! Now that's power!

So there you go, quite a haul don't you think? Thanks guy I really appreciate it. And Debs, I'll email you your bling.

BloMe post #3

Let's start off with awards.

Here it is the first of the month (Oz time) which means it's time for me to present awards. On that front, I have some bad news, the Dingo will not be awarded this month.

As you are aware the Dingo is awarded for excellence in snark, but what you may not know (unless you've won it) is that along with the spectacular bling you get for your blog (which you get to keep), you also get the real thing for a month, which you have to hand back in order for it to be passed on. Well it seems that Mark really enjoyed winning the Dingo, in fact he enjoyed it so much that the actual trphy became so firmly lodged that as yet no-one has been either willing or able to retrieve it. However, being the resourceful type that he is, he was able to make the best of an embarrassing situation and still managed to make the staff Halloween party. Doesn't he look good?

My second award can be presented though. To win this one you need a broad range of knowledge, lighting quick reflexes and a whole lot of luck. This month's WT Trivia Challenge was won by Lene. Congratulations Lene.

I'm taking a bit of a risk announcing this now, as the quiz site appears to have pooped itself and I can't get in to verify, but Lene had an unassailable lead so I think it's a pretty safe bet.
(not as safe as you would think, read on...)

Hold the phones!!!  (Update) I was finally able to get into the site and you wouldn't believe it, we may either have a tie or a different winner! In the last game of the month, Melissa is leading Lene by 6 points at present, but Lene only had a five point lead over all, with Melissa coming second. Hold on to your hats.

Update #2. It's official, Melissa pipped Lene at the post and won by 2 points. Well done Melissa! You smart arse. Sorry Lene, you need to give your award to Melissa (even though she's already got one).

Finally just a quick thank you to Laurie and Rotten Correspondent who gave me a couple of awards earlier this month, and I think there may have been one other (if there was, I apologise for not remembering, but I'm sure you'll let me know). I didn't post the awards here this time as one is so ugly (although the sentiment isn't) that I'm not going to include it in my sidebar, and the other is so nice that I'm not going to modify it.

Update #3. Damn! I knew there was one I forgot, why did it have to be someone who gets so pissed when I don't measure up!? The luverly Joy T. gave me the Totally Fabulous award, and then called me a jerk because I forgot.

Update #4. (Five minutes later) Hey wait a minute! What am I apologising for? I just went to Joy's to refresh my memory of the award, and not only is it awfully gay looking, I was just one of eleven (yes that's right 11!) people she gave it to! Talk about prestigious! But wait there's more! Here's what she said when awarding it to me, "Willowtree from A Dingo's Got My Barbie - Because he's grown on me like a fungus." Now I remember why I forgot it.

To all those of you who celebrate Halloween (or whatever PC term you have to use) 'have a good one'.

BloMe post #1

The Dingo Award Sept 07

Welcome to the September 2007 Dingo Award Ceremony.

**Important notice! If this post shows up in your reader, don't be fooled, it's not a new post, I've just moved the award down a little bit so that you don't see it when you get to end of the Fun Monday post. I don't want all them Fun Monday people seeing it and wanting one of their own, the Dingo™ is far too prestigious to be handed out willy nilly!

There's been altogether too much sugary sweetness in my last few posts, so much so that I'm feeling positively hyperglycemic (if you don't know what that is, its the opposite of hypoglycemic, that was helpful wasn't it), so now it's time for a shot of insulin before I expire from cuteness overload. And here it is.

For those of you who read the comments I get here at ADGMB, and have been following the voting over the past month, it would come as no surprise to find that the winner of this month's Dingo award goes to none other than Mark of Dirty Uncle Mark fame. Mark was by far the most decisive win we've seen here at ADGMB since polling began. With a massive 67% of the total votes, DUM left the competition in his wake.

I'm not really sure how he managed to end up so far ahead of the field. It may have been his pure obnoxiousness in ignoring the content of every post written in the past month in favour of coming up a comment that sought to deride the author by categorising every post, rather than actually commenting on the post itself, or it may have been his desperate attempts to swing the votes towards Melissa, his nearest rival. But more likely it's because I voted for him every couple of days, but even without my help he would have been a clear winner as he was 56 votes ahead of his nearest competitor.

If you were surprised at Mark winning this dubious prestigious honour, all I can say is "You wouldn't be if you extracted your cranium from your rectum long enough to read some of his efforts" and here are just a few...

• "I think the 500 posts break down as follows: 2 - (as pointed out by Melissa) of your naked body and creamy white thighs 5 - "photoshopped" photo posts 20 - "serials" 23 - miscellaneous 450 - Pet photos."
• "You know, Melissa, I'd completely forgotten about the 20 or so food posts that WT has done. Shall we call this 21? Except it's really a hybrid post, a noxious hybrid of bragging and food."
• "Melissa, you're absolutely right, let me recalculate: 2 - of your naked body and creamy white thighs, 5 - "photoshopped" photo posts, 20 - "serials", 23 - miscellaneous, 100 - complaints about not winning awards/winning awards, 350 - Pet photos."
• "Melissa, slight modification; A post that tries to hook readers by promising content, while delivering none. With optional media to add to the illusion of content. (Now with more self-promotion.): 2"
• "Melissa, I didn't comment last night because really, there's nothing to comment on. Look at this post. It's a prequel to a serial. He's simply telling us he's going to write posts about meeting, screwing, and marrying his wife. What is that? I don't even know how to class that one in our WT post counting system. This may be a whole new area."
• "Melissa, I think this one goes down in the "desperate for content," and "stringing readers on for a serial," categories. There's no disrespect in being desperate for content, WT, we've all been there, right Melissa? You ought to know better than to string your readers on for that serial you promised last week though."
• "I'm trying to remember what blogger it was that used to whine and complain about not getting any awards. Now I can't count all of them on both hands. They do say that the squeaky wheel gets the oil."
• "... perform a pap smear"
• "You know how I know you're gay? Three hundred and Fifty-three (353) pet photo posts"
• "It comes as little surprise that Willowtree LOVES a musician named Dickey Betts, but doesn't appreciate things like soap, or treasured items like dog teeth. Big Surprise. Do I even need to say it?"
• "You've got to be kidding. You ridicule me on my blog for writing about a "scratch" whereas you are so desperate for content you blog about the exact same thing two days in a row? Really? Melissa, this one goes in the same categories as yesterday as well as pet photo post. I'll be back next week when you've got some new, original content. Did I say next week? Next month. How's that Serial coming?"
• "*looking to Melissa* Pet Post? Close enough for me. 361."
• "Melissa, that's perfect. We'll count this as 1 of many to come."

So there you have it, just a small sampling of DUM's unwavering support for me as a fellow blogger. If you are confused as to why he addressed so many of his comments to someone who's blog this isn't, then join the queue. And as with last months award, I didn't go back looking for the worst of the worst, these were just the ones at the top of the list after I sorted it by name.

If you think I harbour a grudge against DUM then you are 100% correct, but not because of his comments, which I actually find very clever and often quite humourous (although always obnoxious). No, I hate him because he stole the love of my life right from under my nose! (although what she was going on my top lip I'll never know)

Congratulations Mark, I hope you and your Dingo are very happy together.

PS. For those who don't know him, Mark is a really good guy who is just having some fun, but now it's my turn.

Oh, I almost forgot! Mark, here's a nice photo for you to put on your wall somewhere...

Presenting 'the Dingo II' Award.

Over the past few months I've received more than my fair share of criticism awards, and while I make fun of them, I always love to get them. But as you know, it is my policy not to pass them on to anyone as I believe that most of them are really just a way for the originators to get more traffic (as opposed to those who receive them and then pass them on in good faith).

The ones I've received have generally been awarded in good faith by genuinely nice, fellow bloggers (except for a few recently that have been awarded simply to see what I would do to the award).

In an attempt to give back to blogsiety, I even came up with my own award, that most prestigious of awards, "the Dingo". Sadly, it hasn't proved as popular as I'd hoped (with the exception of Swampy, who bizarrely seems intent on winning it). I've yet to see any of the ones awarded so far showing up in sidebars, that may yet change with the next presentation in a day or so.

It therefore gives me great pleasure (in fact, almost as much pleasure as the original Dingo when the batteries are fresh) to present the new and improved Dingo II, which has been created to honour those who have honoured me (ha! and you all thought I was egotistical, lots of people give awards purely on the basis of having received one themselves, and to ensure a steady inflow of awards).

So the Dingo II (or the boomerang as I like to call it, hey why didn't I just call it that?) is my way of saying thank you (or if you're too dense to get it by yourself, "what goes around, comes around") to those who have complimented my work here at ADGMB. This way I get to give out bling to worthy bloggers without being part of someone else's agenda. And in truth I can't think of a single regular reader of mine who wouldn't qualify for any or all of the awards I've been given up until now.

The inaugural recipients are (in no particular order):

Pamela of The Dust Will Wait.
Swampy of Anecdote, Antidotes and Anodes.
ChrisB of Miss Cellania.
Susan of Are We There Yet?
Beckie of Give it a Try.
Kila of Momto3cubs.
Laurie of Three Dog Blog.
Min of Mama Drama. (not actually an award)
Jenni in KS of Prairie Air.
Joy T of A Spot of Tea.
Jen of A Snowball's Chance.
RC of Confessions of Rotten Correspondent.
Shades who wishes to remain anonymous.

If I've left you off the list (and I'm sure I've left people off), please forgive me, it wasn't on purpose, I just never kept a record of who gave me what. Let me know and I'll add you.

I've included two different sizes so you can take whichever one (or both) that suits your requirements.

WT's Trivia Challenge Award.

For those of you who have been playing the Daily Trivia Challenge, you may have noticed that the cumulative scores have changed. That's because it's a monthly tournament and the September one has finished.

So what does this mean exactly?
It means that Melissa has won this spiffy new award!

These are the final standings:

1. melissa (153 points, 6 wins)
2. glenyalla (145 points, 8 wins)
3. Lene (124 points, 2 wins)
4. KarmynR (118 points, 3 wins)
5. beccy (101 points, 1 wins)
6. BlueMomma (93 points, 0 wins)
7. chrisb (85 points, 0 wins)
8. mjd (75 points, 0 wins)
9. Sixy (56 points, 0 wins)
10. notadingo (49 points, 1 wins)

The Dingo Award Aug 07.

Welcome to this month's scheduled Dingo Award ceremony.

The battle for this prestigious prize raged throughout the month, with at least five votes being registered by mid August! Then towards the end of the month, when I told people that voting had been open for almost three weeks, and left a trail of breadcrumbs to the polling booth, things really hotted up and eventually produced a clear winner.

It is with some glee that I announce that this month's winner is non other than that siren of snark, that termagant of terse, that virago of vitriol, the matron of mean herself, Robin from Pensieve!  Come on let's give it up for Robin!

 

With a massive 33% of the total vote, Robin is clearly a worthy winner. Yet despite this convincing win, Robin was initially surprised that she was even in the running: "HOLD THE PRESSES YOU MUTHA! I'm in the VOTING for one of these things???????" After being informed that she was indeed in the running, in her usual tactful manner, she accused me of cheating : "BTW, are you stuffin' the ballot box?" However, when I replied that she was winning completely on her own merits, she replied, "I'll get you my pretty! Bwwwaaaahaha!"

I really can't understand why Robin would be so surprised that she was in the running for this award, after all she has always been so supportive of me in the past:

• You never cease to amaze me...37 comments (including mine) for THIS piece of crap nothing???!!


• Hey........I cannot.  Believe.  This topic.  Originated with you.  it's just so...so...ummmm, such a woman thing?   It's cause you're a rockin' girl blogger, isn't it?


• This is your most boring comment section EVAH!   Then, again, it wasn't exactly your most interesting OR entertaining post, either.


• Would you like some cheese with your w(h)ine?


• On the first part of your post, "la la la, white noise, white noise"


• Do I win a prize for the BEST comment EVAH for the Lamest Post evah???


• Clearly you will stop at NOTHING just to get a few people to comment to your blog. Sheesh...the nerve!

It's not just me who has been fortunate enough to receive Robin's encouragement:

• Swampy, those aren't words, those are L.E.T.T.E.R.S..

• OH MY WORD!  Melissa has MAN HANDS!

• Thank you, Min, for winning this prize so the rest of us wouldn't have to. (not so fast Robin)

Of course, then there's her helpful suggestions to improve my blog:

• Can we watch you boil a pot of water next?

Always delivered in such a caring manner:

• Getchur butt up earlier and get a decent picture of a foggy morning!

I admit there have been times that I have tested her patience a little:

• Hmmph...hands on hips, bottom lip poked out.  The Southern Belle wants to bit$*smack the Aussie.

Then there was the time when simply being snarky just wasn't enough, and she decided to sabotage my blog:

• Hey...remember when you accidentally forgot to close the italics on a comment you wrote at my blog a while back and the rest of the comments were italicized?   I think I'll do that <i>now ;) (and she did)

But at the end of the day Robin is a nice person who is happy with her life:

• Maybe my boring-in-comparison-to-Willowtree's life ain't so bad after all....

That is until she realises the reality of her situation:

• Dang it...I forgot I wasn't in Disney World anymore....

Now you might think that a significant amount of effort was required to glean these cut and paste examples of Robin's comments from the hundreds she has left over the past year, but in fact I only had to go back over a few weeks (and she was away for two of them). Also, each dot was from a different comment.

Once again Robin, congratulations on your award, you definitely deserve it!

Update** I assumed that everyone would know the history, but then I realised that may not be the case, so just to set the record straight, Robin is one of my oldest and best blog friends. She has been a constant and humorous supporter of my blog since virtually the beginning, and I wouldn't want her to change a thing.

Geez not more awards!

Seems the more I complain about awards, the more I get awarded. This just proves two things a) my plan is working, b) you guys just like to annoy me, c) you don't have to meet the criteria to win these things, and d) I obviously can't count. So let's do it chronologically (Mr Bush, if you're reading this, it means in the order in which they were received).

Shades awarded me this one so long ago that I forget what it was for, apart from annoying the crap out of her. She is a really nice gal from Texas with two dogs, four cats and husband. So far she's managed to house train the pets. I won't link to her as she is a very private person (shut up! she really does exist!). Shades if you want me to link to you just let me know in the comments. Thanks for the award.

Susan, one of my oldest (she's actually not really that old but her kids are aging her fast!) and dearest blog buddies awarded me this a little while ago. Susan is only  just now re-entering the blogosphere after spending the Summer watching her kids turn water yellow.

As you know it is completely against my nature to modify awards, as I've said before I think it is an insult, to not only the person who invented the award, but also the person who awards it to me. However, in this case I had to make a (very slight) modification because frankly the colours were just a little too gay for a great hunk of manhood like me (not that there's anything wrong with being gay).   Thank you Susan, my name is Indigo Montoya prepared to die!

Laurie awarded me this last one just yesterday (dingo time). Laurie is another dog person who luckily has had more success house training her husband. Thank you Laurie.

As always, I will not be perpetuating the craziness by awarding anybody these awards. However in order to perpetuate some stupidity, I've come up with my own award and that will be awarded in a day or so.

Yep, another award youbetcha!

Listen up all you wannabe award winners, WT has done it again! Let's take a moment to let that sink in shall we... ok, long enough, you may start applauding now. Sweet Jenni, that lovely blogger from KS with questionable taste in men (come on! she asked for that by posting a clip of Sawyer, mind you the music was ok), has awarded me the "Really Spooky Foggy River from Deliverance" award.

Isn't that just the spookiest award you ever did see, or should that be Dead Sea, whatever. Jenni really excelled herself with her praise for me on awarding this little piece of bling. Not only did she award it to me in the much coveted "and Last but not Least" position (which is somewhat akin to "with all due respect", and we all know what that means), she described everyone she awarded it to (except me) as not really needing an award because in reality they were all actually pretty good bloggers.

Thanks Jenni, I'm doubly touched, but again I can't help thinking mine doesn't look exactly the same as the others (look closely).

Seeing as this award has something to do with reflecting pools or something, and seeing as how my awards always seem to be in the much coveted "and Last but not Least" position (except for the Awful Guy Blogger from Joy T., that one was a postscript to the actual awards ceremony) I got to thinking about my position in the blogosphere.

It feels a bit like that kid in high school that wasn't cool enough to hang around with the jocks on a regular basis, although he wasn't rejected or bullied by them either (nor was he treated as a mascot), but at the same time wasn't smart enough to hang around with the brainiacs, although he could converse with them. And of course there's no way he'd hang around with the geeks, they were just plain creepy.

And then in a Eureka moment that hit me like a bolt of lightening, an epiphany so clear that I'm embarrassed that the realisation came to in such a dramatic fashion rather than me just remembering... I was that kid in high school!

Update**  I'm a little bemused that some of the comments thus far have felt it necessary to offer comfort (albeit in some cases through sarcasm) for some perceived trauma I may have suffered at school, or that I didn't fit in. Let me be perfectly clear, the opposite is the case. I was, and still am, one of those blessed with the ability to mix easily with people from all walks of life. At school I was equally comfortable with the cool crowd as I was with the scholastics (and in fact divided my time between them), having said that, my tolerance for dim-witted people was, and always will be, limited.

This ability to generally feel at ease with whoever I come in contact, has enabled me to circumnavigate the globe twice, hold positions in construction that required me to mediate between contractors and architects, and in IT, manage the design and implementation of large scale systems.

Or in other words, I don't want no stinking sympathy!

PS. I would much rather you focused on the spectacular job of award modification that I performed this time, it's really subtle (kinda unusual for me). Thank you.

I've finally succumbed.

After some intense peer pressure (Swampy and Melissa) and much ruminating (me), I have finally relented on my "No awarding of Awards" stance. The problem is that all the awards out there at the moment are either just ploys to get traffic, or so lame they would make anything I came up with look clever by comparison.

So, faced with such an imbroglio, I had no alternative but to come up with my own award. Believe it or not, I take this responsibility very seriously and therefore spent some considerable time (must have been close to a minute) trying to come up with a name that would be easy to remember, convey the essence of the award, and possibly go down in the annals of blogging history.

Of course my humility prevented me from calling it anything that was even remotely related to either me or my blog. Ha, bullshit! What else could I call it but "The Dingo"? So look out all you pasty faced awards out there, there's a new kid on the block!

All those awards out there with their "oh such a wonderful post", and "you are splendiferous" sentiments reeking of mutual admiration are missing the point completely! No-one would blog without comments (except that moron who writes a blog about being a comedian), and don't try to bullshit me I know you all live for comments.

The Dingo will therefore be awarded to the backbone of the blogosphere, the commenters. It is to be awarded for outstanding commitment to, or above average proficiency in, snarky comments. I'm not sure what a snark actually looks like so I went with a cat instead (catty is close enough to snarky for me).

So much for the background explanations, I'd now like to present the Dingo....

And I'm proud to award this inaugural Dingo to Marnie from "...I didn't say it was your fault ...I said I was going to blame you". Settle down!  I know those of you who have only been reading the Dingo for six months or so will be wondering how come I can award this highly prestigious award for snarky comments to someone who doesn't even comment on my blog (or anyone else's for that matter).

The answer is simple, Marnie has imposed a week long ban on the use of 'Fuck' on her blog, and I'm interested to see how she handles this! Plus in her day, Marnie was one of the snarkiest commenters around.

It occurred to me that my award may not achieve the respect it so richly deserves. I was perplexed for a while as to why that may be the case, that is until I realised that I had no rules! How stupid, what's an award without rules? So below are the rules for winning and awarding the Dingo:

• To qualify for the Dingo, the recipient must either be a bitch, a jerk or a smartarse (or any combination thereof).

• To award the Dingo to someone, you must first be given the award by me or someone what has previously been awarded this great honour by someone who may or may not have been me. *1

• If you don't agree with the previous rule (or if people are just too darn dumb to appreciate your brilliance), you can award the Dingo to yourself.

• Self awarded Dingo recipients cannot award it to someone else without express written permission from me, which I will not give under any circumstances. *2

• Self awarded recipients must stop fucking themselves prior to orgasm. *3

• Do not link back to me, if you feel the need to link, then link to someone who might give a shit. *4

• Under no circumstances is the award to be altered, altering awards is tacky and disrespectful.

• If you don't like how the award looks you can change it.

• If you are Melissa you cannot win the first award as it was your idea in the first place

• Always wear clean underwear.

These are the rules and they shall be obeyed, failure to obey these rules will result in unimaginable penalties (no, I'm serious, I can't imagine any penalties).

1. Which means you must be a bitch, a jerk or a smartarse.
2. This rule is pretty flexible.
3. You've already performed self-gratification by awarding it to yourself in the first place.
4. Unless the person you're awarding it to has a huge readership and I could get heaps of traffic, then it's OK to link to me.

Hey I got another award!

Yessireee Bob! I got me another one of them purty awards for my sidebar. This time it's because I'm not creative. Now, I must confess that I was just a little miffed that no-one gave me the Kiss Arse Award that seems to be so popular these days, I think it may be called something else but never mind.

Yep, I was feeling rather down, but my despondency just plain disappeared when Swampy awarded me this little gem...

It even comes in two flavours....

I can't quite seem to put my finger on why, but mine just doesn't seem to look the same as all the other's I've seen around the blogosphere lately, I'm sure it 's fine though.

Pre-Post Update!

Well this is a first! An update to a post that hasn't even been published yet, I wrote it last night but I had a more pressing post (actually I had a pressed meat post). It seems that Shades thinks my visage has made sufficient contact with her posterior to qualify me for the  Arse Kissing Award. Thanks Miss Shades (I'm not putting a link here because she's very private, and NO I am not making her up!).

The Schmooze award is one of those awards that is actually a cleverly disguised means for the originator to increase their blog ranking by telling everyone to link back to them (some people try to make money out of blogging). So on behalf of those of us with a half a brain (I sometimes wish I had a whole one), and in the true spirit of schmoozing, I'd just like to say "Fuck you". My policy in this situation is that I never link to sites that say I have to link to them, I also don't pass on the award to anyone. (that doesn't mean I don't appreciate J's sentiment in awarding it to me)

PS. A few of you have been remarking on how I seem to be able to get comments on the lamest of posts. That's the whole point! Bloggers are generally nice guys, and their compassion causes them to feel sorry for me, so they come to aid of a sinking ship. Simple.
 

Now with even more Brain!

Oh -- Oh -- shucks, folks, I'm speechless!

Well fellow Dingoers (or should that be Dingoites), you've gone and done it! You've proved that age old adage that a good excuse will always trump a poor result, (sometimes translated to 'if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, then baffle them with bullshit).  This sets a new benchmark for IQ measurement, it's only a matter of time before all IQs will be measured in the number of readers a person has.

Woohoo! I feel smarter already!!

And just to show my appreciation, I'm having a mini contest. I'll award a prize (3D of course, one that you can actually hold in your hot little hands) for the first person to correctly answer the following.

Who said "The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side." and how does it relate to this situation.

I'm expecting bazillions of correct answers, so I've hidden a cryptic clue in the post, whoever finds it and includes an explanation in their answer will be the champion, if I get a few correct entries at around the same time, I'll draw the winner from a hat. Fuck! It's going to be harder to win this than the actual award (but then the prize will be better).

Important update~~ While all you wimmin bloggers were busy patting yourselves on your collective back just for being wimmin (except for Jenny who at least broke with convention), Joy over at a Spot of T. did the honourable thing and found an award for us guys (unlike Jenny who made one up). Turns out the person who came up with the Rocking Chair for Women award, or something like that, also made one for guys. And I was just awarded it, so there!

Ok, so I'll admit that I only got it after whining to her, but it's still an award right? Besides, she ran out of people to award it to after only three, and still didn't give it to me without my crying about it!!!!

Thank you Joy, you're a good bloke after all.

Yet another award

Yesterday I received this in the mail. Hmm, I wonder what it could be? Surely it can't be my replika Viagra I only placed the order this morning. Maybe it's that replika Marnie doll I ordered some time ago, yeah that's most likely it.

So I flipped it over (getting in some practice for the doll) and saw a customs declaration stating it was 1 plastic trophy. WTF? I know a pretty young bride is sometimes referred to as a trophy bride, but this seems a bit of excess hyperbole for a blow up doll!

There's only one way to solve this mystery, open the fucking package you dimwit! So I unwrapped it and here's what I found....

That's some purty box you got there...Yep sure is! And it looks like it's tied up with tobacco pipe floss, the furries will love that. But what's inside for gosh sakes!!! Ok here goes...

Well if that don't beat all! Mindy sent me an actual 3D award. This is a real unique handmade trophy, now all I have to do is figure out how to unglue the lid of the shaker box she used for the base and I'll have somewhere to keep my stash.

But you know me, I like my sidebar bling, so if you look over to the right you should see my new award....Thanks Min.

The Awards keep coming.

Well, in case any of you are feeling neglected, overlooked, left out and unappreciated, and are wondering how to get blog awards, I have the secret! Just tell everyone that you don't like them, don't want them, don't agree with the concept and would refuse them if they came your way, and then just sit back and wait for them to come rolling in.

Seems I've just been awarded another one, this time it's the prestidigitatious Swampy's Award. Now in truth, I'm not really sure what the criteria is (I kinda speed read the explanation when it was awarded to Marnie, short attention span), or why I was awarded it (unless it has something to do with having an abnormally large penis, then in that case I know how come I got it).

After some minor modifications I think it looks kinda spiffy in my rapidly expanding Award cabinet, if this keeps up I may even be able to stop awarding myself stuff.

Thanks Swampy, I'll treasure it, unless I got it for being a fuckwit, then maybe I won't.

It's official, I really am Perfect!

It's no secret that I'm an anti-award kinda guy, but once in a blue moon an award comes along that co-ordinates so well with my template I just can't turn it down. Such was the case today. My (adoptive) big sister Pamela, author of The Dust Will Wait and commenter extraordinaire has seen fit to nominate me for the Perfect Post Award for April. While I'm still not convinced this isn't a belated April Fool's joke, I just can't turn down that colour scheme, and in truth I think it looks rather nice (a little small maybe).

I'd like to thank everyone involved in making this happen. Firstly Beeper, without you there would have been no post, seeing as the was a post about you...

Next I'd like to thank Buddy and Bentley. Without their friendly, welcoming natures and their undaunted persistence, the above photos would not have been possible.

Here's what I mean...

Just over three weeks ago when Beep entered our lives, she would hiss and snarl and generally carry on on like a complete pineapple whenever the dogs were around (she belonged to a little old lady who kept her indoors). But the boys eventually calmed her down to the point where she is now comfortable with them.

Finally I'd like to thank Buzz and Booey for being such a pair of ungrateful, unsociable pricks, that they make Beep seem like an even better cat than she already is...

I know I went overboard on the GPPs, but I promised Wolfbaby I'd put some up for her kids.

PS. Did anyone else notice that Fun Monday was kind of quiet yesterday, or was it just me? I got more comments the day before on a post about shopping bags!